The last appointment I had with my physio I was feeling awful. I could hardly walk, I was pissed off and weepy. She said what was clear to her was that my mood was very low (no shit, Sherlock). She did her best to persuade me that taking Pregabalin might help with the pain and then I would find it easier to move/walk/exercise, which would mean my muscles would get stronger, and my mood would improve.
I have a fear of these sort of drugs – Pregabalin, Gabapentin, Amitriptyline – which are meant to relieve neuropathic pain. The side effects are horrible. I have tried Amitriptyline and Gabapentin and hated them – they made me feel very strange, dozy, heavy and unpleasantly sedated. Pregabalin is meant to be ‘cleaner’, whatever that means. But it can be addictive and also cause weight gain, sometimes lots of it, and this lot:
headaches
feeling sleepy
dizziness
diarrhoea
mood changes
feeling sick
swollen hands, arms, legs and feet
blurred vision
Of course, I might not have any of the side effects if I did take it, and it might indeed alleviate the pain. But I’m simply too scared.
I told the physio that I’d give the Pregabalin a whirl, but when I got home I just couldn’t face it.
I’ve made my own plan to handle the pain: CBD oil, ginger, and turmeric. More MS exercises. Mindfulness.
But it really isn’t just about the pain, which I put up with for fifteen years before the diagnosis. Learning that I have an incurable, progressive disease, waking up every morning knowing that it won’t ever get any better; not being able to do a load of things – walking, gardening, hoovering, cleaning – that I was taking for granted before; all this drags me down and contributes to my low mood.
I do stuff to counteract it, and a lot of the time I’m ok, but I do have dark days. Just ask Kim.
Oh well, I’ll have to own up to the physio that I didn’t keep my word. Oops.
