This is true, and quite a good reminder, but…
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the vast amount of advice, inspirational blogs and memes, books and websites. I own a load of self help books, mostly about pain management, acceptance, mindfulness, meditation etc. But some days, in spite of acting on it all, I just need to kick back, sit with my emotions and play Snoopy Pop on my phone.
I think I am officially depressed. It’s a bugger, and it’s very hard to do anything about it when you lack the motivation to do much more than get out of bed, go downstairs (still in pyjamas) and watch mindless telly. All day sometimes.
What I really want is to find a purpose. (Sideline – predictive text said what I really want is to find a llama!?!) Work provided that previously – being a support worker, a midwife, even a home help. Now…that’s gone. And physically I’m limited. And old. MS has made me very introspective, self-absorbed and even lower in self esteem than before. I obsess about what friends and family can do…make music, grow beautiful gardens, create, travel, have passionate interests. And all the while, the fucking inner critic is muttering in my ear ‘you’re useless, you don’t deserve to be happy, you might as well do everyone a favour and drop dead right now. You pathetic, self-pitying lump.’
Well, that’s cheerful, isn’t it? But it’s helped a bit, just to get it into words. Watch this space. I intend to explore ways out of this mental shit hole.
Saesnes with PPMS 